Tonight I looked up at the stars and saw the infinity of space. The worlds from a far circling in forever rotating galaxies. I cried. I cried because of our insignificance. Each one of us an infinitesimal fraction of energy and matter. The sky only has to abide the laws of physics but we also govern ourselves by man made rules. The creation of an idea using money and having wealth. Our nature, wherever you believe it comes from has made our pursuit of happiness from material things. The planets above do not care of its’ size nor about the colours of the stars around; though Saturn has its rings and Jupiter a giant storm the other floating rocks care little. I wonder if the moon tastes as salty as my tear covered face? or can the sun bleed like a cut on a knee? Are the planets able to grieve should their closest star die? How important is it to desire things in the grande scheme of life? I try to tell myself not very but maybe that’s because I feel I have nothing. Lost like a spec of dust in space and no direction or purpose. At least driving toward the next pay cheque gives the illusion of meaning. But what is life if you have only enough to survive? Would the lights from the Milky Way look as stunning if they weren’t able to twist and turn to a dance? It’s been a while but when I looked to the sky I prayed. I prayed for deliverance or guidance. I prayed for the souls of others. Ha! I’m not sure anything can hear through the sobbing and audible wetness. If I thought depriving myself of oxygen would give me a fresh start you wouldn’t be reading the self pity and babbling of a pathetic man, tortured inside by his own doing. Think I’ll keep looking up though, maybe a shooting star can trigger more of a meaning than the next car or fancy TV. Or maybe the sorrow reflecting from my face will provoke the heart of an ever great being to show me the true way to happiness.
Tormented, tortured and teased by my thoughts.
Can’t think clearly as every ounce of moisture in my body
gathers and collects in my head waiting to poor through my eyes.
Every part of my body tingles and throbs like I’m being compressed
into the black hole in my heart.
I wonder if I’d prefer to be squeezed to oblivion and exist only in memory
or waste my time trying to escape.
When not even light at its great speed and little substance can escape such a force
what is the point of trying.
Maybe beyond the outside, inside is a never ending tunnel with infinite time.
Having my life replayed to me forever until all that’s left is a shell of a soul.
I should try and escape despite the punity of it so I can make more mistakes.
Make more people disappointed.
Make myself disappointed.
If I could choose to be numb from it all, I would.
But the faces of some friends I see around me belonging to demons
cause me too much pain to hide.
The know it alls, the opportunist vultures that scavenge the damned.
People who make beliefs without knowing the facts just to make themselves feel better.
The world is full of monsters and I can assure you of this.
The worst monster of all is the one inside everyone of us.
But the most terrible of monsters are the ones who don’t realise it.
We might all be damned some more than others.
I at least know the content of my heart
and the thoughts in my head.
Every part of it good or bad accepted or accepted unwillingly.