Firstly it’s worth saying, I don’t plan on ending my life. This is just a post with a few things I’d like to say should anything untoward happens. You see strangers, friends and celebrities on the news dying everyday. Everyday passes with the thought “These things don’t happen to me”…… well they could and one day they will. The problem tends to be that nobody knows the when.
So I’ll start with a sorry. I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done to anyone, even if I think you deserved it. There are so many mistakes I’ve made but I’m no different from anyone else. To expect leniency from others when you don’t give it is very hypocritical. I’ve tried to be understanding of others when living my life but I’m not perfect.
I’m sorry to the people I’ve had relationships with. The fact is you could all do better than me. Be treated better, respected better, loved better. If I had to do it again I wouldn’t know how to play it. I loved you or cared a great deal at least and this is why I struggle. Knowing how it ends would I want you to waste your time with me? Did I prevent you from meeting the guy of your dreams? If we never met would it be better for us all. Saving us from the heart aches that left twisted minds and tear riddled faces. I think often about you all but if I did die I’d want you to know. I adored you though sometimes I didn’t show it. I cared for you though I didn’t often say it. I would have died for you though sometimes I may have killed your spirit.
I’m sorry to friends and family. Those who wanted to share time with me but for whatever reason I didn’t. There are no excuses. Nothing I can say in hope of redemption. I can only pray you don’t think badly of me.
With all these sorry’s going on I also want to say how absolutely disgusted I am with the world. The scum who fight, rape, con and manipulate. Those who treat people, animals and the world with such cruelty. I mean this with sincerity…….. Burn in Hell! I hope your corpse burns brighter and hotter than the Sun. People who encourage the persecution of others and those in power who turn a blind eye, what defence do you have? You’re worth less than a runny shit!
I hate the self righteous. The hypocrites that tell you everyday how to live your lives when there own is so messy. Fuck Off!! Who do you think you are? I hate society in generally to some extent. The masses of “Normal” people that believe they know the decorum of life. The things that people should or should not say. The jokes said without malicious intent that are unacceptable. The similar jokes said by the same people that sudden become OK to say. Fuck you too!
My biggest gripe about people. To expect to be treated with respect and dignity and then shit on your neighbour. Sometimes people are good. Sometimes people are bad. But if we all try to be understanding of each other or be tolerant of the bad things that people do to us then eventually we will live in a better world. Take it on the chin the next time someone is a dick to you. Don’t be spiteful or go after revenge.
I hate myself. There are many reasons but one you can guess. Read the last two paragraphs. I sound a little self righteous don’t I.
I could go on for ages about the things I’d like people to know If I died. The chances are I lost you after one or two paragraphs. If you’re still reading then good for you. BUT why are you still reading? Let’s say I died unexpectedly. I couldn’t see it coming or maybe I did but it was self induced and I clearly wasn’t thinking straight. Go live your life.
Right now, go for a walk. Enjoy the Sun or the rain. Feel the heat or the blistering cold. Feel!! Ask someone you like out for a drink or remind someone you love how you feel.
This is how you know you alive.
I urge those who are strong of mind to take what I say on board. Personally and frustratingly I can’t. I’ve been broken way before I died. I’m one of a growing minority who believe that being dead is better for the world, better for you and easier for us. Don’t be sad if I’m gone. I probably prefer it this way.